A conclusion that I made for myself

I said "Hold on" to her, then I turned my head to my house-mate who stand infront of me in my room.

I tried to solve the "problem" who whipped into my room, I gave her a short speech to sort her out.

Meanwhile, her sound kept conveying from another side of phone, I realised she was in her own world.

I was speaking to another person, the phone was so near to my mouth, I'm so sure she could heard it,

if she had paid attention. But like a radio, it'll never stop if you din press "stop" button.



Quickly I gave N an answer and let her off.

Back to the phone, I was upset with She'd never stopped to listen while I was speaking,

she stopped when she want to get a certain answer that she expected from me,

which I have no idea what it should be. If I got to know it, I'd love to speak out.

Life is demand and supply. I'd love to supply to reduce problem caused from over-demand.



She was right in some ways, but she'd forgotten we human being is living in a different way.

Yes, I'm being too pessimistic in my life and too sensitive when it involved people,

I don't post my bad part of my life in my blog, I'm supposed and definitely is a girl who own the world,

and I realised I have never growth up in the past few years of my life.



People can't have a suddent surge in mental maturation, just like Buddha doesn't upgraded to god in minutes.

Please allow me some times, I'm not a perfect creature, when I first face to some sort of problem,

I'll have frustrated, depressed or even upset. Then slowly I have to accept the fact and adapt it.

Finally, I have specified antibody to its, I'd say I'm applying specified immune system.

Which required antigent to create memory to immune system, means I need to experience it to create resistance.



Yes, I do repeating this feeling again and again,but this doesn't prove I'm repeating the problem.

You might think I'm argueing with you with some crap.Because I failed to manage my own emotion
when I met someone, so I'm learning how to deal with them, getting used to this "norm" (a norm to them),

and becoming adaptive to every kind of situation. I'm still not generous enough to accept all the "fact",

but growing up doesn't mean you have the capacity to face every problem.

Growth up allow you to think wider than from your own shallow perspective, with this deliberate though,

you could help yourself on get through all the hurdles (in term of EQ). However, you might fail to manage it.

Because, the inbuild capacity is not high enough to hold all of it, my brain lag and my emotion spurt.

I'd say I failed to manage it in reality but mentally I understand this "norm".



How to increase my capacity??

My mate will look after me and expose me to this polluted society, train me to stand steady and calm.



I'm appreciate my mate called me up at the right time, so I got some time to breath.

I spoke out all the things to him again, he clear my mind, and I have a good sleep that night, after i hung up.



I appreciate all the people who approached me and tell me all the truth.

I'll manage my emotion bit by bit, hopefully, I can be a 80% cheerful person.

(100% will be a crazy person)

Good day, cold day in sheffield

I arrived Sheffield last night, met few weirdos with unzip pants.

I sneak away with calm, I always look no fear when I'm alone,

"nothing can scare you" whispering into my ears.

I'm not that bravery, but expose your nervous is not helping.



This few days, I keep straying back to the time in Malaysia.

How good it will be if I manage to go home now,

but it could be worst if I're still staying in Malaysia now.

No point to think about chicken or egg came first. Get real.



So, I'm now sitting in Sheffield University's library,

my hand is almost frozen, and my stomach is growling,

cold and hungry is the scene in THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL.

I've never expect the weather of sheffield can be so cold,

and didn't get to know cafeteria is closed during summer.



My cloths is too thin to warm myself even in library,

I wish to have toast and egg scrumble for breakfast,

I wish to reward them a pair of wings or legs,

so they could fly or walk along the street to my mouth.

Again, I've some sort of illusion of being fed by mobilised toast and eggs.

ha...........



It wont come if I don't pay a walk.



Well, I really feel well in Sheffield.

I gonna manipulate my lower limbs to walk and upper limbs to grab food now.

Ok, will update my ordinary but immersed in a speck of joylliness life soon.



After my presentation, Emergency party is needed!

Good luck to myself!